A year ago today, I welcomed my miracle baby into this world. Her birth was nothing like I had pictured, but perfect in every way. And while I could spend a lifetime telling stories about the last year, the milestones, the memories gained, and moments that are forever engraved in my mind, that’s not what tugs at my heart today. It’s funny how time can change so many things and yet leaves you with a taste of what once was.

No, what tugs at my heart is the text from a sweet friend of mine who was recently told children would not be a biological option for her and her husband. It’s the messages of needed prayer from another friend who is walking the path of adoption. And it’s the numerous conversations I have had with people since our journey began who have suffered miscarriages, month after month of negative pregnancy tests, and failed fertility treatments in silence.

I find myself torn between wanting to share every cute picture of Carolina with the world and yet not wanting to shove my blessing in the faces of those who have yet to receive theirs. But then I remember the promises my Father spoke to me…

"Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her." ~Luke 1:45 | Second time God has reminded me of this today.

And that for every sad longing moment I had, my Father replaced it with the reminder that He had put the desire to be a mother in my heart and that desire would not go unanswered.

I have no idea why some who seem so worthy walk down paths that seem so unfair. I do not have the answer for when my friends desperate prayers will be answered. I am not sure what even my future looks like. What I am sure of is how grateful this journey has made me, how absolutely honored I feel to get to hold Carolina in my arms each day, and how blessed I feel to get to pray for and walk with some of the strongest women I know. I will not forget my past, take for granted my present, or fear what the future may hold. My God has spoken promises into my heart that he will, in his way and time, fulfill.


Deep Waters

Through all my troubles, I've been guided through and haven't been led astray.:

There are days you just never see coming, Friday was definitely one of those days. For those that do now know, a year and a half ago my husband accepted a job at Auburn University so we moved. The company I had been working for at the time offered to let me continue to work for them from home. It seemed like an ideal situation. With all of the medical issues this year it truly was a blessing. And then on Friday I was laid off.

I have unfortunately been in this situation before (twice actually), but that doesn’t make it any easier. I admit that I ugly cried for a few hours…some times you just need a good ugly cry. And I admit that there were feelings of anger, frustration, and “how can this happen to me AGAIN”. I have replayed the phone call fifty thousand times in my head and let me just say that hearing “it had nothing to do with your work performance” does not make the news any easier to digest.

But today I awoke with restored confidence and peace that only He can provide. Tomorrow the tough work begins…finding a new job. Our journey continues, with new bumps and twists around every corner. This was not in the plan, but it was in His plan. We know that God closes one door to open an even better door. So we remain steady. We remain sure. We remain faithful.