God has a much bigger plan for us than we could ever imagine. It’s this truth that has kept me grounded during the last few weeks. The first ectopic pregnancy was tragic, but I thought it was just a stepping stone on the way to our forever family. I remember all of the people who told me about their ectopic pregnancy, or their friends, or cousins who went on to have healthy pregnancies. This comforted me at the time, but in the back of my mind I wondered if that too would be our story.
I felt relieved when the dye test they performed at the end of March showed no issues or blockages with my remaining Fallopian Tube and we were cleared. My doctor sent us on our way, “Hopefully the next time I see you in a few months you’ll be pregnant!”
We knew it might take longer to conceive this time around since I only had one Fallopian Tube left and while hoping to conceive quickly we were prepared for a longer wait. So a few weeks later when I tested and it came back negative I was not surprised and shortly thereafter my period started right on time. Two days after my period was over I started spotting and immediately thought something was not right. Of course I did what everyone shouldn’t do and Googled possible causes, one of which was an ectopic pregnancy. We decided I would take another pregnancy test just to clear my mind. I took the test fully expecting it to be negative, so what a surprise when it came up positive. I immediately panicked. It’s that moment when all of your fears start coming true and while you want to trust that everything will be okay all you can do is panic.
I went to the doctor’s office that morning for them to draw blood and was told not to worry that they were sure everything would be fine and to wait for them to call with the results. The next morning when they called they said my HCG levels (the level that indicates if you are pregnant) was low, but that it could still be very early and they wanted me to come back in two days for them to recheck things. It came back lower and I was told I was most likely having an early miscarriage.
Now, let me stop here and say that miscarriages are horrible and sad and I don’t wish them on myself or others. And the idea of having one was sad, but in the back of my mind I was just so thankful that it wasn’t another ectopic pregnancy.
The roller coaster of blood work continued for two weeks and then everything changed. This time my HCG levels came back higher, which is a sign of an ectopic pregnancy. An ultrasound and more blood work later, it was confirmed. My doctor wants to do anything possible to save my remaining Fallopian Tube. They started me on Methotrexate shots, which is a chemo drug used to attack/kill off the failed pregnancy tissue. They can give me up to three rounds of shots and unfortunately we are finishing up our second round of shots today. We are waiting for the test results to come back now, which will determine if a third round of shots are needed or not. I am really hoping that this last round of shots worked, as the medicine has not made me feel good at all! I’ll post later tonight or tomorrow with an update.
It’s hard to see how things will work out when you are in the thick of a bad situation, but Daniel and I just have to keep holding on to the hope He has put in our hearts. We know we are meant to have children and so we will journey on and let Him figure out how we get from here to there.
Jesus replied, “You don’t understand what I am doing now, but someday you will.” John 13:7